{"id":35722,"date":"2026-09-23T21:05:29","date_gmt":"2026-09-24T01:05:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wellable.co\/blog\/?p=35722"},"modified":"2026-09-23T21:08:45","modified_gmt":"2026-09-24T01:08:45","slug":"alex-seiler-bereavement-leave-caregiving-grief-workplace-policy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wellable.co\/blog\/alex-seiler-bereavement-leave-caregiving-grief-workplace-policy\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Bereavement Leave Policies Are Stuck in the 1950s with Alex Seiler"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In this week&#8217;s episode, Nick sits down with Alex Seiler, Chief People Officer and HR expert with 20 years of experience across companies from Blue Shield of California to WeWork. The conversation focuses on two of the most under addressed topics in HR: bereavement leave and caregiving. Alex shares why the standard three-day policy for bereavement leave is a relic of decades-old union contracts, why employees almost never raise caregiving needs with HR, how to build a business case for better policies, and two bold predictions about where workplace grief policies and human-centered culture are heading. edictions about the future of careers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"video-embed\" style=\"position:relative;padding-bottom:56.25%;height:0;\">\n<iframe src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/PH0QDtDoUrQ?si=oaTd_0OyfA4n82VK\" title=\"Why Bereavement Leave Policies Are Stuck in the 1950s with Alex Seiler \" style=\"position:absolute;width:100%;height:100%;top:0;left:0;\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen=\"\">\n <\/iframe>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"row justify-content-between\">\n<div class=\"cs-btn-light text-center mb-4 col-12 col-md-6 pr-md-4\">\n <a class=\"cs-button d-flex align-items-center justify-content-center w-100\" href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/why-bereavement-leave-policies-are-stuck-in-the-1950s\/id1869414001?i=1000791238275\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"gap: 8px\">\n\n<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.wellable.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/Apple-Podcasts-logo.png\" alt=\"Apple podcast\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"h-auto\" style=\"width: 24px\">\n\n<span style=\"font-size: 20px\">Listen on Apple Podcasts<\/span>\n<\/a>\n<\/div>\n\n<div class=\"cs-btn-light text-center mb-4 col-12 col-md-6 pl-md-4\">\n <a class=\"cs-button d-flex align-items-center justify-content-center gap-3 w-100\" href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/7eXA8PhBfpE37f5ZWIALPD?si=ZHLo5TC8SfSypUZMhqscbg\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"gap: 8px\">\n\n<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.wellable.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/Spotify_White_Logo.png\" alt=\"Apple podcast\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"h-auto pr\" style=\"width: 24px\">\n<span style=\"font-size: 20px\">Listen on Spotify<\/span>\n\n<\/a>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n<div style=\"border: 1px solid rgb(0 0 0 \/ 0.1); padding: 25px 25px 10px; border-radius: 8px; box-shadow: 0 4px 6px -1px rgb(0 0 0 \/ 0.1), 0 2px 4px -2px rgb(0 0 0 \/ 0.1);\">\n<h3 id=\"h-pressed-for-time-here-s-a-quick-summary\" class=\"wp-block-heading nitoc\">Short on time? Here are the key takeaways:<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The standard three-day bereavement policy traces back to union contracts from the 1950s (one day for travel, one day for the funeral, one day to drive back) with no input from grief experts or consideration of the actual mourning process<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\"> <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"2\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The average US company today offers approximately 5.6 days of bereavement leave, while grief experts now recommend a minimum of 20 days for the loss of someone close\u2014a gap that most employers have not meaningfully addressed in decades<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\"> <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"3\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Only 8% of employees feel comfortable raising caregiving needs with HR, creating a self-sealing cycle: employees don&#8217;t disclose, data shows no demand, policies don&#8217;t change, and that outcome confirms to employees that did speak up that it was pointless to do so<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\"> <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"4\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Alex&#8217;s prediction: three-day bereavement policies will come to sound as dated as no maternity leave within five to ten years, driven by accumulating state mandates that will force multi-state employers to standardize well above the current floor<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\"> <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"5\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In an AI world where technology equalizes output, the remaining differentiator between employers will be how they behave when something goes wrong in someone&#8217;s life\u2014what you do when someone&#8217;s mother actually passes away is the test of whether human-centered culture is real or just a recruitment talking point<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:0,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\"> <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"episode-summary\">Episode Summary<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"why-the-three-day-policy-is-still-the-default\"><strong><strong>Why the Three-Day Policy Is Still the Default<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The standard three-day bereavement policy was not designed by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellable.co\/resources\/grief-and-gratitude\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">grief experts<\/a>. It emerged from union contracts in the 1950s, where the math was purely logistical: one day to travel, one day for the funeral, one day to return. Nobody at the table was thinking about the mourning process. Companies then copied each other, and after 60-plus years of mimicry, what was a logistical convenience has hardened into something that feels misaligned with the realities of grief. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The current average of 5.6 days of bereavement sits well below the 20-day minimum that grief experts now recommend for the loss of an immediate family member. Companies like Meta, Adobe, JP Morgan, Goldman Sachs, and Johnson &amp; Johnson have already moved to 20 or even 30 days. Most others have not, and Alex&#8217;s framing cuts to the heart of why that is a cultural problem, not just a policy one: if your bereavement policy was designed to get someone to a funeral and back, no amount of empathy training or manager coaching fixes what it was built for. You have to change the thing itself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Nick raises the definitional challenge that makes policy design hard: who counts? A sibling, a grandparent, a lifelong friend who is closer than most relatives\u2014grief does not follow org charts, and policies that try to enumerate qualifying relationships will always leave meaningful losses unacknowledged. Alex&#8217;s response is that perfection cannot be the enemy of progress. Use benchmarking, employee focus groups, and input from benefits brokers to build a policy that serves the majority, communicate that no policy covers every situation, and commit to evolving it over time while remaining flexible in execution. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"the-self-sealing-problem-why-employees-dont-tell-hr\"><strong><strong>The Self-Sealing Problem: Why Employees Don&#8217;t Tell HR<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Only 8% of employees feel comfortable raising caregiving needs with HR. Only 19% feel their caregiving needs are recognized at all. Only 29% say their manager is well prepared to help. These numbers produce a self-sealing cycle that Alex describes precisely: employees don&#8217;t disclose, so nothing shows up in the data. The data shows no demand, so the benefit doesn&#8217;t get funded or gets cut. The cut confirms to employees that speaking up was pointless, so they disclose even less. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The implication for HR leaders is stark. When an HR leader says they don&#8217;t see demand for better bereavement or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellable.co\/resources\/caring-for-caregivers\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">caregiving support<\/a>, Alex treats that sentence as a finding about the culture, not the workforce. Absence of requests in a place where requesting is risky tells you nothing about need. The fix is not waiting to be asked. It is proactively reaching out with resources when HR hears about a loss, dropping requirements for death certificates or obituaries to qualify for leave, and creating the conditions where people believe disclosure is safe before they need it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"building-the-business-case\"><strong>Building the Business Case<\/strong> <\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Alex is direct about what it takes to get leadership buy-in: data, benchmarking, and a clear connection to business metrics. Focus groups and employee conversations are not just empathy exercises\u2014they surface stories that become qualitative data points a leadership team can act on. Competitor benchmarking shows where the market is moving. Exit interview analysis can reveal whether regrettable departures are linked to caregiving needs that went unmet. The argument that resonates in a C-suite is not primarily ethical; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wellable.co\/blog\/caregiving-support-retains-top-talent\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">it is about retention<\/a>, productivity, and employer brand. The companies that move early get credit for values. The companies that move in 2030 get credit for compliance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The policy itself does not have to be redesigned overnight. Alex is emphatic about progress over perfection: moving from three days to ten is meaningful even if 20 is the gold standard. Flexibility in how days are used matters as much as the number as grief is not linear, and a policy that requires all days to be taken consecutively fails to reflect how loss actually works. Mental health days exist precisely because people need recovery time that does not follow a predictable schedule. Bereavement leave should operate on the same logic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"two-predictions\"><strong>Two Predictions<\/strong> <\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Bereavement leave will become a legislative issue, not just an HR one.<\/strong> Alex predicts that three-day bereavement policies will come to sound as dated as no maternity leave within the next five to ten years. The pattern is already visible. Six states currently mandate bereavement leave. Washington recently moved from three paid days to seven. Illinois allows up to 12 weeks when a child dies by homicide or suicide. California and Illinois now cover miscarriage and stillbirth. None of that existed a decade ago. As state mandates accumulate, multi-state employers will stop maintaining 50 different rules and set a single standard well above the current floor. Nick connects this to how parental leave spread: one or two leading states pass laws, multi-state employers standardize up rather than maintain separate policies, and the snowball builds across geographies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>In an AI world, human moments become the competitive differentiator.<\/strong> As AI absorbs more task work, what distinguishes one employer from another stops being tools and speed and becomes how the company behaves when something goes wrong in someone&#8217;s life. Alex cites Gallup data showing that what protected employees from AI anxiety was whether they believed their organization cared about them \u2014 and that belief is never built during a crisis. It is built by what people watched happen to a colleague two years earlier. In an environment where every company will claim to be human-centered, the test will be embarrassingly simple: what did you actually do when someone&#8217;s mother passed away?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"frequently-asked-questions\">Frequently Asked Questions<\/h2>\n\n\n\n <section class=\"faq-section\">\n <div class=\"faq-accordion\">\n\n \n <div class=\"faq-item card card-faq\">\n <button \n            class=\"faq-question\" \n            data-target=\"faq_1\"\n            type=\"button\"\n          >\n Why do most companies still have three-day bereavement policies? <span class=\"icon\"><\/span>\n <\/button>\n\n <div id=\"faq_1\" class=\"faq-answer\">\n <p>The three-day policy traces back to union contracts from the 1950s, where the math was purely logistical: one day to travel to the funeral, one day for the service, one day to return. No grief experts were consulted. Companies then copied each other for decades until the policy hardened into something that feels intentional. It was not designed with mourning in mind. It was designed with attendance in mind.<\/p>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n \n <div class=\"faq-item card card-faq\">\n <button \n            class=\"faq-question\" \n            data-target=\"faq_2\"\n            type=\"button\"\n          >\n What do grief experts recommend for bereavement leave? <span class=\"icon\"><\/span>\n <\/button>\n\n <div id=\"faq_2\" class=\"faq-answer\">\n <p>Grief experts now recommend a minimum of 20 days for the loss of an immediate family member. The average US company currently offers approximately 5.6 days. Companies like Meta, Adobe, JP Morgan, Goldman Sachs, and Johnson &#038; Johnson have already moved to 20 or 30 days, but most organizations have not updated their policies meaningfully in decades. <\/p>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n \n <div class=\"faq-item card card-faq\">\n <button \n            class=\"faq-question\" \n            data-target=\"faq_3\"\n            type=\"button\"\n          >\n Why don't employees tell HR about caregiving struggles? <span class=\"icon\"><\/span>\n <\/button>\n\n <div id=\"faq_3\" class=\"faq-answer\">\n <p>Only 8% of employees feel comfortable raising caregiving needs with HR. The primary reason is that caregiving disclosures carry real or perceived professional risk. When employees do not disclose, no data is generated, which means benefits teams see no demand and benefits do not get funded or get cut \u2014 which confirms to employees that disclosure was pointless. Alex calls this a self-sealing cycle, and argues that HR leaders who see no demand for caregiving support should treat that as a finding about their culture, not their workforce. <\/p>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n \n <div class=\"faq-item card card-faq\">\n <button \n            class=\"faq-question\" \n            data-target=\"faq_4\"\n            type=\"button\"\n          >\n How do you build a business case for better bereavement and caregiving policies? <span class=\"icon\"><\/span>\n <\/button>\n\n <div id=\"faq_4\" class=\"faq-answer\">\n <p>The business case rests on presenteeism, retention, and employer brand. The cost of inadequate caregiving and grief support is already being paid in missed deadlines, quiet attrition, and reduced performance \u2014 it just never appears as a line item. Benchmarking competitors, conducting employee focus groups, analyzing exit interview data for caregiving-related departures, and connecting policy improvements to retention metrics are the tools that make the case in a C-suite context.<\/p>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n \n <div class=\"faq-item card card-faq\">\n <button \n            class=\"faq-question\" \n            data-target=\"faq_5\"\n            type=\"button\"\n          >\n How should companies define who qualifies for bereavement leave? <span class=\"icon\"><\/span>\n <\/button>\n\n <div id=\"faq_5\" class=\"faq-answer\">\n <p>Alex&#8217;s advice is not to try to enumerate every qualifying relationship, because any list will leave meaningful losses unacknowledged. Instead, use benchmarking, employee input, and focus groups to design a policy that serves the clear majority of situations, communicate transparently that not every case will be covered by a single policy, and commit to evolving the policy over time. Progress is more valuable than a perfect policy that never gets implemented. <\/p>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n \n <div class=\"faq-item card card-faq\">\n <button \n            class=\"faq-question\" \n            data-target=\"faq_6\"\n            type=\"button\"\n          >\n What is Alex's prediction for bereavement leave over the next decade? <span class=\"icon\"><\/span>\n <\/button>\n\n <div id=\"faq_6\" class=\"faq-answer\">\n <p>Alex predicts that three-day bereavement policies will come to sound as dated as no maternity leave within five to ten years. Six states already mandate bereavement leave, with several recently expanding protections significantly. As state mandates accumulate, multi-state employers will standardize upward rather than maintain separate policies by state, the same pattern that drove the normalization of parental leave. The companies that move early get credit for values. The ones that move later get credit for compliance. <\/p>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n \n <\/div>\n <\/section>\n\n \n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"full-episode-transcript\"><strong style=\"color: transparent; visibility: hidden; opacity: 0;\">Full Episode Transcript<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n <section class=\"faq-section toc-helper-accordion\">\n <div class=\"faq-accordion\">\n\n \n <div class=\"custom-accordion-item\">\n <button \n            class=\"faq-question\" \n            data-target=\"transcript_1\"\n            type=\"button\"\n          >\n <h2><span class=\"TextRun SCXW145257824 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"none\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW145257824 BCX0\" data-ccp-parastyle=\"heading 2\">Full Episode Transcript<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n <span class=\"icon\"><\/span>\n <\/button>\n\n <div id=\"transcript_1\" class=\"faq-answer\">\n <p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Nick:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> Welcome to the Wellable Weekly Podcast, where we talk about key topics and trends at the intersection of wellbeing, technology, and HR. I have a very special guest today, Alex Seiler. He&#8217;s a Chief People Officer, keynote speaker, and startup advisor with 20 years of experience working with founders, CEOs, and executive teams around scaling organizations and navigating change. Those 20 years have been spread across a diverse set of companies \u2014 from legacy health plans like Blue Shield of California to growth companies like WeWork. Welcome to the show, Alex.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Alex:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> Thank you. I really appreciate being here. The only things I&#8217;ll add: you can probably tell I have a bit of a strange accent. I&#8217;m half British and half Swiss, born and raised in Hong Kong, and I&#8217;ve been in the US for 22 years \u2014 half my life. I&#8217;m a bit of a third culture kid and a traveling nomad with my cat. In the last couple of years I&#8217;ve started my own thing \u2014 fractional HR consulting, brand partnerships, advising HR tech startups, and being on the speaking and conference circuit. I&#8217;m a big believer in not putting all your eggs in one basket, especially in this market.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Nick:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> One of the topics I&#8217;m particularly interested in is caregiving and grief. I live in a multi-generational household \u2014 I have two young kids, my mother lives with me for most of the year, and my brother lives with me too. I&#8217;m very much in that in-between generation, feeling the caregiving needs of raising children and caring for a mother who is not always in perfectly good health. I&#8217;m excited to talk about this with you.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Alex:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> Very near and dear to my heart. Caregiving and grief are not rare events at the edge of the workforce \u2014 they really are majority experiences, and the cost is already being paid in missed deadlines, quiet attrition, and people operating at half capacity, just never as a line item anyone has approved. I&#8217;m personally invested because my mother battled different forms of cancer for 12 years and eventually passed away almost three years ago. My dad was her caregiver for those 12 years, and I saw the toll that took on him as well. It has completely reshaped how I look at things, including how I approach my work as an HR leader.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Nick:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> How did we get to where we are today with bereavement policy? There&#8217;s this standard three-day policy that seems to be the default for most of corporate America.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Alex:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> It came out of union contracts from the 1950s. The math was pretty literal: one day to drive there, a day for the funeral, a day to drive back. Nobody really consulted a grief expert because nobody was thinking about grief. They were thinking about attendance. Companies then started copying each other, and after 60-plus years of everyone matching everyone else, it hardened into something that feels intentional. But if you talk to grief experts today, they now say 20 days minimum for losing someone close is really important. The average company currently offers about 5.6 days. That is a pretty big delta.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Nick:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> What does the gold standard actually look like, and what&#8217;s a realistic path for a company that&#8217;s still at three days?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Alex:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> The gold standard is 20 days, and certain companies have already adopted that \u2014 Meta, Adobe, JP Morgan, Goldman, and Johnson &amp; Johnson at 30. Some companies might say that&#8217;s a lot of time, but they ran the numbers and they&#8217;re competing for the same people everyone else is. If you&#8217;re starting from three or five days, you don&#8217;t need to get to 20 straight away. But how actively are you looking at your policies? How flexible are they? Could you go to ten to start? Could people spread those days out as needed? Grief isn&#8217;t linear \u2014 it hits at different points. If you allow mental health days to be used flexibly, why couldn&#8217;t grief leave work the same way? If your policy was designed to get someone to a funeral and back, no amount of empathy training or manager coaching fixes what it was built for. You have to change the thing itself.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Nick:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> How do you define who qualifies? Siblings, close friends, grandparents \u2014 grief doesn&#8217;t follow a list of approved relationships.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Alex:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> You&#8217;re not going to make everyone happy, so don&#8217;t try to. Just do what makes the most sense and will reflect the majority. Use benchmarking, focus groups with employees who are actually dealing with these things, and input from benefits brokers to build the policy. Commit to evolving it over time \u2014 it should not be a one-and-done. And preface any employee focus group honestly: we can&#8217;t do exactly what you ask, but we want to take your needs into account. The alternative is HR creating these policies in a vacuum with an employment lawyer, which is basically throwing spaghetti against the wall.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Nick:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> When you go to executives to make the case for better policies, what data is most compelling?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Alex:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> First, the bigger problem is that almost nobody tells HR. Only 8% of employees feel comfortable raising caregiving needs with HR. Nineteen percent feel their caregiving needs are recognized at all. Only 29% say their manager is well prepared to help. This creates a self-sealing cycle: people don&#8217;t disclose, so nothing shows up in the data. The data shows no demand, so the benefit doesn&#8217;t get funded or gets cut. The cut proves to employees that speaking up was pointless, so they disclose even less. When an HR leader tells me they don&#8217;t see demand for this, I treat that sentence as a finding about their culture, not their workforce. The absence of requests in a place where requesting is risky tells you nothing about need. Stop waiting to be asked. Reach out with resources when you hear about a loss. Drop requirements for death certificates or obituaries to qualify for a policy. It costs nothing to change. For the executive pitch, you connect it to the business: retention, regrettable departures, productivity, employer brand. The data is there \u2014 you just have to look for it in the right places.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Nick:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> Gen X is increasingly the sandwich generation, carrying caregiving demands for both aging parents and children. How does that show up in the workforce?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Alex:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> It bleeds into everything. People come home exhausted from work, then face laundry, dinners, bedtime routines, doctor appointments, estate administration. None of it is visible at work. It&#8217;s easy to forget about because it lives in the shadows, but there&#8217;s plenty of data without even polling your population to know this is serious. It reminds me of your smoking analogy \u2014 tobacco use appears low because the behavior has moved into the shadows through vaping. Caregiving stress operates the same way. The absence of visibility is not evidence of absence. It&#8217;s evidence that the culture hasn&#8217;t made it safe to be seen.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Nick:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> If you&#8217;re listening to this podcast and you go back to work on Monday, what&#8217;s the first step?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Alex:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> Start building the business case before you start changing anything. Benchmarking competitors, employee focus groups, exit interview analysis for caregiving-related departures \u2014 compile that into something that makes sense and tells the right story for your C-suite. Data means everything in the executive suite. They want to understand how this connects to retention, productivity, and the P&amp;L. If you get sign-off, then work with internal or external employment counsel to update the policy and communicate it clearly. You don&#8217;t have to change the world next week. But you should be starting to ask these questions if you haven&#8217;t already, and you should be thinking about it as an employee yourself, not just as an HR professional.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Nick:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> Predictions \u2014 what&#8217;s coming in the next few years that people aren&#8217;t thinking about?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Alex:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> Two. First: the three-day bereavement policy is going to come to sound as dated as no maternity leave within the next five to ten years. The pattern is already visible. Six states currently mandate bereavement leave. Washington just went from three paid days to seven. Illinois allows up to 12 weeks when a child dies by homicide or suicide. California and Illinois now cover miscarriage and stillbirth \u2014 none of that existed a decade ago. As state mandates accumulate, multi-state employers will stop maintaining 50 different rules and set one policy well above the current floor. Companies that move early get credit for values. Companies that move in 2030 get credit for compliance. Same money, completely different story. Parental leave went from rare to expected in about 10 to 15 years and nobody argues we should go back. The end of life is going to follow the beginning of life \u2014 we&#8217;re just earlier in the curve.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Second: in an AI world where technology equalizes output, the remaining differentiator between employers will be how they behave when something goes wrong in someone&#8217;s life. As AI absorbs more task work, what distinguishes one employer from another stops being tools and speed and becomes the human moments \u2014 caregiving, illness, grief, the return to work afterward. I&#8217;ve seen Gallup data that quietly supports this: what protected people from AI anxiety was whether they believed their organization cared about them. That belief is never built during a crisis. It&#8217;s built by what people watched happen to a colleague two years earlier. In an AI world, every company will claim to be human-centered. The test will be embarrassingly simple: what did you actually do when someone&#8217;s mother passed away?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Nick:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> I can see the bereavement leave prediction clearly \u2014 parental leave followed exactly that trajectory, starting with a few leading states and then spreading through multi-state employer standardization. Thank you for joining us today, Alex. How can listeners find and follow your work?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Alex:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> The best place is LinkedIn \u2014 <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/alexseiler\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">www.linkedin.com\/in\/alexseiler<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\">. That&#8217;s A-L-E-X-S-E-I-L-E-R. I cover a lot more than caregiving and grief, so if you like spicy HR takes, follow along.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Nick:<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> For all our listeners, Alex has a range of podcasts on different HR topics that I personally found fascinating \u2014 just search his name to find them. Thank you all for joining us. Please like and subscribe to Wellable Weekly wherever you get your podcasts, and have a great week.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;134233117&quot;:false,&quot;134233118&quot;:false,&quot;335559738&quot;:240,&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\"> <\/span><\/p>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n \n <\/div>\n <\/section>\n\n \n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Wellable Weekly welcomes Chief People Officer and HR expert Alex Seiler to discuss why most bereavement policies are a relic of union contracts from the 1950s, how to build a business case for better caregiving support, and two bold predictions about the future of workplace grief policies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":35727,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35722","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-podcasts"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v20.6 (Yoast SEO v27.7) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Why Bereavement Leave Policies Are Stuck in the 1950s with Alex Seiler | Wellable<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Wellable Weekly welcomes Chief People Officer and HR expert Alex Seiler to discuss why most bereavement policies are a relic of union contracts from the 1950s, how to build a business case for better caregiving support, and two bold predictions about the future of 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